The Latest Polls Are Out: Quinoa to Form Majority

So many interesting polls in the news this week I don't know where to start. One poll has the NDP and the Tories tied nationally. Another poll says that Canada is warming up to Stephen Harper. And another poll says that 50 percent of Canadians love eating quinoa every single day. Now, if you’re not familiar, quinoa is the seed from the goosefoot plant which is grown in the Andes. And I only include the definition because there's not a hope in hell that 50 percent of Canadians are eating quinoa every day.

Look, once upon a time the powers that be would pay experts vast amounts of money to study the entrails of sacrificed animals and predict the future. They would cut open a pigeon or a sheep and they’d look around in there and go, “Oh, yeah, yeah, look at the liver, yes, definitely, the Green Party will sweep the riding of Upper Middle Nowhere.”

Now, of course, we as a modern, educated, Quinoa-loving nation know that studying animal entrails is worthless, 100 percent of the time, give or take three percent, nine times out of ten. So instead newsrooms all across Canada, they rely on modern pollsters. And they report their predictions as the news. How's that working out? The Alberta election, the Quebec election, the destruction of the Bloc Quebecois – they were all wrong.

Now, of course, once upon a time the pollsters had a pretty good track record, but this was back in the day when people sat around and listened to radio dramas and they got all excited when the phone rang. Let's face it the only people talking to pollsters in 2012 are shut-ins, the demented and people like me who think it’s funny to make up the wrong answers.

I feel bad saying this because I'm sure pollsters are nice people, but their numbers, they don't add up. Now I’m not saying they’re sitting around studying animal entrails but based on the results they’re spending way too much time examining parts of their own anatomy. Polls do not belong on page one, put them in the back where they belong with the horoscopes and the jumbles.

Posted: 26/09/2012 7:17:21 AM | with 0 comments

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